


the final push

by mgsdays (regencyaus)



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: (Mild) Injuries, Angst, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Less angry Mo Guan Shan, M/M, Missing Scene, don't let the word counter mislead you the whole fic is just post chapter missing scene(s), it's just more words than anticipated of said missing scene, my working summary for this was 'he tian confesses. very very slowly'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25598908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regencyaus/pseuds/mgsdays
Summary: He Tian takes Mo’s hand between his own. Mo is about to complain (…the fuck is hedoing?) but He Tian’s thumb brush over Mo’s knuckles. Mo freezes.Mo’s hands are covered in little scratches, from when he was digging for He Tian. That’s what He Tian is looking at. Some of the cuts had bled, some just stung. Nothing deep. Mo’s hands are now a mess of dried blood and dirt and sensitive skin.“…what are you doing?” he asks, calmer than he would have a second ago.“Thank you,” He Tian tells him.Mo frowns. “I didn’t do anything.”He Tian keeps looking at his hand.“Thank you for caring.”Post Chapter 329. He Tian almost died. They have a few conversations brewing just beneath the surface. This just might be the push they needed.
Relationships: He Tian/Mo Guanshan (19 Days)
Comments: 47
Kudos: 695





	the final push

They stay like that, pressed against each other, for longer than Mo cares to count. Mo is choking on raw fucking fear, still pulsing through his veins.

Fucking _hell_.

He Tian is fine, Mo can see that he's fine, but some part of Mo hasn't caught up yet. He's trembling.

Fuck He Tian for doing this to him. Fuck He Tian for getting himself into danger, _fuck_ He Tian for being stupid, fuck He Tian for having _the worst fucking instincts, who the fuck notices a landslide and doesn’t jump away god-fucking-dammi—_

He Tian breathes out against his hair. He slips his arm further around Mo’s waist and holds him close.

Fuck.

Mo is shaking.

Mo tries desperately to hold onto his anger but it slips away from him. Today- Mo can’t fucking do this today. Not today. Mo is not angry. Mo is fucking scared.

Shit. 

Mo is still so fucking scared.

All he knows is that He Tian is alive and real and solid against him. Mo holds onto He Tian tight.

He’s not sure how long it’s been but He Tian sighs and Mo knows it’s been long enough. 

"Mo you can hug me whenever you want. I promise. But right now…"

It sounds like _breathing_ is hard for him. Oh, right. He Tian fell into a _tree_ or something. He might be injured. 

He might- _Shit_. 

Mo lets go as if burned.

Mo has just moved far enough to be at eye level when He Tian halts him, holding him back with the arm around Mo’s waist. Wha-? 

Mo glances up. He Tian is frowning at him. 

…why? What is he looking a-? 

Oh. He’s looking at Mo’s face. Because Mo has been crying. 

It doesn’t fucking matter so Mo doesn’t see a reason to linger on the thought. It clearly matters to He Tian though. He Tian raises one hand until it hovers an inch away from Mo’s face. 

…the fuck is he doing? Is he planning on _drying Mo’s tears_? In a fucking thunderstorm, no less. Mo won’t be dry anytime soon, no matter what He Tian does.

He Tian doesn’t touch him though. His hand hangs in the air between them. 

“…He Tian?”

Mo can't fucking breathe. The anticipation makes him burn with something raw, that he can’t quite name. Mo feels fucking fragile. His heart speeds up.

One fingertip brushes against his cheek. He Tian’s thumb. He Tian swipes a tear away and pulls back, like he startled himself too.

“Momo…”

Fuck. Mo is shaking so hard. He Tian fell into a _tree_. They don’t have time for this.

“Your ribs?” Mo asks, trying to get them back on track.

He Tian is still caught looking at him for a moment or two before answering. “Yeah.” He Tian nods once, tight. “And my ankle, by the feel of it.”

Shit. Mo shifts back and looks at it.

The other boys are crouched next to them. Mo didn't even notice them getting here.

"Sprained or broken?" Zheng Xi asks. Mo isn't sure. It looks red and ugly. Mo is afraid to touch, but without touching he can't be sure of the extent of the injuries.

"Sprained," He Tian answers for him. "If it was broken it would hurt worse."

Mo isn't sure.

"You could just be in shock," Mo says, still looking at the foot. 

It's bad. It might be swelling, Mo thinks. The adrenaline rush would stop He Tian from feeling the pain. 

He Tian makes a vague sound that Mo assumes is concession.

“Either way he’ll need help moving,” Zheng Xi points out. Mo agrees. He Tian can’t walk on that foot.

“How the fuck can we carry you without making it worse?” Mo is asking it more to himself than to He Tian. Mo doesn’t think he’s strong enough to hold He Tian in a fireman carry. Bridal would be even worse. 

…not because he would chicken out with a bridal carry, Mo adds hastily to the thought. He Tian messed up his feet. Mo can be rational about this. But with He Tian in front of him Mo wouldn’t fucking see where he’s going, Mo could end up with a fucking sprained ankle himself. It helps no one if they’re both injured.

“I can walk.” 

…the fuck.

Sometimes Mo thinks He Tian argues just for the fucking sake of arguing. 

He Tian seems serious. The effect is somewhat ruined over his fucking _wince of pain_ and how fucking _hoarse_ his voice sounds.

“No you can’t.” Mo and Zheng Xi say in union. They look at each other when they notice it. After a second Zheng Xi shrugs. They have the same goal here.

“Maybe I carry the arms and you carry the legs?” Mo suggests. The mental image is so fucking funny, He Tian swinging between them. He Tian flips him off.

“Fuck you both very much.”

Mo finds it amusing. He’s just joking, no need to get pissed. 

But the reality of the situation dawns on Mo once more.

He Tian almost fucking died and he's injured now.

Mo is so tired.

“Jian Yi, go look for villagers that could help.”

“I’m on it.”

Jian heads back towards the old woman. Mo is fucking exhausted. Other than asking for help Mo doesn’t know what else he can do.

Zheng Xi touches his shoulder.

“If Jian Yi doesn’t find anyone, I mean- Maybe you could carry him on your back?” Zheng Xi suggests. “I’ll walk behind you and hold on if it looks like he’s slipping.”

Mo thinks about it. It could work. Mo can pull off giving a piggy back ride, He Tian’s weight would be better distributed. And like that it’s easier for Zheng Xi to give back up if needed. Zheng Xi was smart to think of it. Only problem is- it would put a lot of pressure on He Tian’s injury.

“How bad are your ribs?” Mo asks him.

He Tian takes a moment to reply.

“Bad.”

Shit. Mo frowns. He’s concerned now. He Tian hates admitting weakness. If he’s acknowledging this it must be hurting like fucking hell for him.

Mo reaches for He Tian’s shirt without thinking, and then pauses, his hand hovering there. 

“…can I?” he asks first.

For a moment it looks like He Tian will tell him no. 

Mo is suddenly _terrified_ that He Tian tell him no. He Tian almost  _fucking died_ . The fuck is Mo supposed to do if the goddamn idiot refuses help? 

Hell. He Tian almost died. 

Some of the old fear seeps back into Mo’s stomach. He remembers the earth-shattering second when he thought He Tian was gone and there was nothing Mo could do to take it back.

He Tian meets his eyes.

Mo doesn’t know what He Tian is reading on his face. Mo is feeling fucking raw and exposed today. He Tian can probably read him like an open fucking book.

Mo will help him whether He Tian wants him to or not, Mo decides. Fucking dickhead. _This matters_ , Mo tries to say with his stare somehow. _Don’t be a fucking idiot._

“Okay,” He Tian agrees.

Thank fuck.

Mo pulls the shirt up. The fabric is wet and it clings to He Tian’s skin. Mo uses both hands to peel it out of the way.

“Mo, let me tell you, when I imagined you pulling my clothes off I-“

“Shut up.” Mo can’t put heat into it. He Tian looks fucking awful. The bruise is an angry red, with blotches of coagulating blood beneath the skin. It’s nasty. It spawns maybe the size of an entire palm and the area around the bruise seems tender.

“Fucking _hell_ He Tian,” Mo’s hands are trembling, “how is this not the _first fucking thing_ you say?”

He Tian has the fucking audacity to smile, just at the corner of his mouth. “I’m fine Mo.”

He is not fucking fine. Mo wants to punch him. Except Mo is angry because He Tian has a _nasty fucking bruise_ that he got trying to save Mo’s life and- and- Mo breathes out hard. And punching would be counter-productive. Mo _can’t_ make this worse. Mo doesn’t know what to do.

“Why the fuck did you let me hug you?”

“You looked like you needed it.”

“…”

Mo is beginning to think that he misunderstood He Tian at some point and He Tian let it go on without correcting him. Mo always thought of He Tian as selfish. And he is. Of course he is. But then Mo can’t reconcile that with He Tian sitting against the tree and choking back his own pain so he can let Mo hug him.

Mo finds himself making eye contact, for some reason.

Maybe He Tian isn’t as obvious as Mo thought. If He Tian doesn’t _fucking die_ Mo will try to catch up.

“How is it looking Mo?” Zheng Xi asks. Mo is crouched between the two of them so he’s blocking Zheng Xi’s view. He turns to the side so Zheng Xi can see for himself.

“Shit.”

Yeah, Mo agrees. Shit just about covers it. Mo turns back.

“He Tian can’t be on your back then.”

Mo knows, within his heart, that He Tian is gonna follow that up with a sexual innuendo. Mo drops one of the corners of the shirt and slaps his hand over He Tian’s mouth.

“Zheng Xi, for fuck’s sake, don’t encourage him.”

Zheng Xi flushes a little. Mo appreciates not being the only one embarrassed for a fucking change. He Tian, on any given day, is completely shameless.

Speaking of, He Tian opens his mouth. He’s going to do something gross, like _lick_ Mo. Mo tightens his grip.

“He Tian, behave.”

He Tian meets his eyes. Mo feels fucking breathless all of a sudden. 

There’s a challenge in there. _What are you gonna do to stop me?_

Fuck nothing, apparently is the answer. Mo is almost frozen in place.

He Tian licks Mo’s palm, just lightly. Mo yelps and scorches back.

Fucking hell.

Mo’s flushing to the roots of his hair. He cleans his hand on He Tian’s shirt. 

…and that has the unfortunate side effect of _having his hand on He Tian_ for one long moment, feeling the heat of his skin, beneath all the fucking water. He Tian, for some miracle, lets it happen without a comment.

“Uh- guys…“

Oh, yeah. Zheng Xi. Mo turns back to look at him.

“I just meant we can’t carry him like that, it’d be tough on his bruised side. What do you think we can do Mo?”

Mo doesn’t know.

Maybe have his arm around Mo's shoulders, so he can lean in the weight? Mo doesn’t want to move him at all, to be honest. Not without the help of someone who knows what the fuck they’re doing. Mo certainly doesn’t.

Jian Yi comes back to them. “I can’t find villagers. I don’t know if it’s the storm but I can’t find where we came from. The paths are all muddled through.”

Shit.

“I can see we’re on a hill though.”

Well. Better than nothing.

“We went up hill to the lake,” Mo remembers.

“Yeah. I think if we follow the slope we should find our picnic site again and Qiu,” Jian Yi adds. Okay. They can work with that.

“Do we uh-“ Jian Yi scratches his head. “Do we wait until the storm passes?”

Mo looks up at the sky.

“It won’t any time soon. No point in sitting on our thumbs. Once the adrenaline wears off He Tian will be in a lot of pain.”

Jian Yi nods.

“Ok. You’re right. Uh- does someone go there to get Qiu and come back here or do we all head out together?”

“Splitting sounds like a shit idea. What if we get lost?” Zheng Xi is always the cautious type. Mo snorts at that one.

“We can get lost _together_ too Zheng Xi.”

“At least we’ll be together?”

Mo glares at him.

The truth is Mo is scared. If they try to carry He Tian themselves down a hill- there’s such a risk that he’d fall. 

“I don’t want to move He Tian,” he finally says. The boys all look at him. Mo does his best to close off his expression. What? Do you all have a fucking problem with that?

Zheng Xi speaks up first.

“Once the adrenaline wears off He Tian will be in a lot of pain. You’re the one who brought it up.”

Yeah. And that will be awful for He Tian. But if they tried to carry him and he fell down hill- 

Mo doesn’t even want to think about it. Mo doesn’t want He Tian to get hurt. He knows this. Whatever he may say, whatever games they fucking play, Mo still doesn’t want He Tian to get hurt.

Worse. Mo doesn’t want him to get hurt worse than he _already_ is.

“I’ll stay with him. You better be quick.”

Zheng Xi nods.

“Okay. Come on Jian Yi.”

“If you guys aren’t back in thirty minutes I’ll assume you’re dead,” Mo calls out after them. Jian Yi grins.

“We’ll be back.”

He Tian is quiet after they leave. Mo notices that he didn’t have anything to add when they were discussing his fate.

Mo looks at him. He Tian has his eyes closed.

Oh _for fuck sake-_

Mo had _one too many scares today_. 

“ _He Tian_ -“

“I’m here Momo.”

He’s quiet. It’s disheartening to see him like this.

“Hey,” Mo pokes him. “You’re okay?”

He Tian nods. “Just tired. The pain is kicking in.”

Shit.

For lack of anything better to do Mo sits next to him.

“You’re supposed to ice that,” Mo says, pointing to the foot. “And rest it on a higher level than the rest of your body. Like on a pillow or something. It’s good for circulation.”

“Okay. I’ll do it when I’m home.”

They’re quiet again. He Tian leans his head on Mo’s shoulder. Mo is ready to fight- but it feels stupid. Mo glances at him. He looks so fucking fragile. That’s not a word that Mo ever uses for He Tian, but it fits, right now. Mo faces forward again. Okay. He can give him this much. Mo supposes that it’s okay. 

Mo thinks about putting his arm around He Tian’s shoulder and sort of hugging him. It’d be something to offer him comfort, like He Tian offered Mo when they found him. 

Mo talks himself in and out of it a twenty times. 

Fuck.

Fuck, fucking hell. He Tian almost died pushing Mo out of the w-

In the end Mo raises his arm and allows He Tian to lean more comfortably against him. He Tian does.

Mo’s arm is kind of left over after that. Mo feels fucking clumsy, he hates this. Mo bends the arm at sort of an awkward angle and lets it rest behind him. He mentally begs He Tian not be a dick about it, like come on-

He Tian’s voice cuts through his musings.

“We would be the first ones to get killed in a horror movie.”

Mo snorts.

“Splitting up from the group is number one rule that says you’ll get picked.”

He Tian laughs. “Isn’t it? And in a _forest_. We’d be the ones that die in 5 minutes.”

Mo snorts.  “In five minutes it’s usually the hot couple that splits up from the group to fuck.”

He Tian freezes against him. 

Mo backtracks through his words.

“Shit, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just arguing that-“

“Breathe Mo,” He Tian cuts him off, kindly. “I’m injured and freezing. I’m not misinterpreting you.”

Mo still feels a hot wave of embarrassment. But okay. He’s thankful He Tian isn’t making it worse.

“We _would_ be a hot couple though,” He Tian adds.

…and that was fun while it lasted.

Mo flicks an uninjured part of his arm. 

“We wouldn’t be a couple at all dickhead.”

“Wouldn’t we?”

“…what’s that supposed to mean?”

He Tian doesn’t answer.

He Tian takes Mo’s other hand between his own. Mo is about to throw a fit (…the fuck is he _doing_?) but He Tian’s thumb brush over Mo’s knuckles. Mo freezes.

Mo’s hands are covered in little scratches, from when he was digging for He Tian. That’s what He Tian is looking at. Some of the cuts had bled, some just stung. Nothing deep. Mo’s hands are now a mess of dried blood and dirt and sensitive skin. 

He Tian’s fingertips caress each knuckle. Mo feels a shiver at that.

“…what are you doing?” he asks, calmer than he would have a second ago.

“Thank you,” He Tian tells him.

Mo frowns. “I didn’t do anything.”

He Tian shakes his head.

“Thank you for caring.”

Shit.

They’re quiet after that.

Fuck. 

Mo finally asks He Tian the question he’s been avoiding from the moment it happened. 

“Why would you notice a landslide and not jump out of the way?” Mo’s voice is barely above a whisper. He needs to know.

He Tian-

He Tian is pretending to be asleep.

Fucking dickhead.

“Oi,” Mo pokes him with his other hand. “I don’t know if you have a fucking concussion asshole. Don’t fucking sleep.”

“I’m in so much pain Mo, I couldn’t possibly do it.”

Shit. Mo is suddenly scared that he will fuck this up. Mo doesn’t have the skills to make a sick person feel better.

“They’ll be here soon enough,” Mo tells him, with all the conviction he can muster.

Mo fucking hopes it’s true.

___________________

Qiu is fucking furious. Mo sort of saw that one coming.

“What the _fuck_ were you thinking?”

The boys are watching Mo and He Tian sitting against the tree. Zheng Xi, in particular, has a curious expression on his face. Mo doesn’t know what it is supposed to mean.

Mo feels the need to speak up for them. It’s not like they fucking planned this.

“We don’t control the weather Qiu.”

“Fucking funny. This isn’t about the storm. You’ve been _irresponsible_ since the second you all ran off on your own. Do you think I want to spend my weekend looking after teenagers? If I’m here it’s for a reason.”

Mo is properly chastised. Still, “It’s not like we planned this.”

“And look where that got you anyway. What would you do, Guan Shan, if He Tian got gravely injured? If he fucking died on you?”

Mo sobers up at that. He doesn’t fight back anymore.

He Tian is still leaning on him. Mo is gentle when extracting himself. No need to make any of this worse on him. 

He Tian makes a soft sound of protest. 

_Looser_ , Mo thinks, looking back at him. He Tian is such as idiot sometimes. Mo flicks a leaf off his hair. Okay. Okay. Mo lets Qiu take over.

_Help is here, He Tian. You’ll be okay._

___________________

On the way home Qiu drives them by a 50 floor skyscraper, just inside the city. He puts the car on break.

“These guys,” he says, pointing to a car waiting and the underlings outside of it, “are trustworthy. They are He Cheng’s men, they’ll take you home. I can’t do it myself, I have to take He Tian to the hospital and wait with him.”

Oh, that makes sense. Mo nods to the other boys as they leave the car and waits for the remaining of them to drive off.

…and then waits some more.

“…you mean me too?”

Qiu apparently does.

“I’m not going,” Mo says immediately. “I’m staying with He Tian until I know what happened.”

“It’s a hospital kid. He Tian is not between life or death, you don’t need a doctor to confirm that for you. But it could still take hours.”

Mo doesn’t care. “I’m going with.”

_This was because of me in the first place_ , Mo thinks _._ Mo doesn’t say that part.

He Tian looks at him with an eager intensity in his eyes. Mo holds eye contact.

Qiu, eventually, sighs.

“Suit yourself.”

___________________

The minutes don't fucking pass in the waiting room. Mo swears they don't.

He Tian is ushered in and they are supposed to wait. Mo is completely lost.

There's literally nothing he can do. He feels so fucking powerless. He Tian is not gonna fucking die, for fuck's sake. Mo knows this. Mo is still trembling lightly, his heart beating a fucking race inside him.

Mo heads outside to take a breath of fresh air. Something about the room there felt suffocating.

Mo doesn’t have much of a goal in mind. He leans against the wall and looks up at the night sky. 

He Tian almost died.

Fucking hell, Mo needs to get a hold of himself. He’s all over the place today.

He pulls out his phone and hits speed dial. His mom picks up on the second ring.

“Hey mom.” Mo’s voice sounds tremulous to his own ears. Shit. His mom immediately catches on.

“Mo? What happened??”

Shit.

Shit. For a second Mo fears he might break down. He can still feel the adrenaline.

“Mom, we were out for a picnic with the others, a landslide- He Tian was injured. He-” Shit. Deep breaths, he thinks to himself.

“Oh my god, what kind of injury??”

“Sprained ankle, bruised ribs. I don’t know if he has internal bleeding. He hit a tree pretty hard. His stomach was looking nasty.”

A woman rushes by. She’s crying, heaving big, choked sobs. Three people follow her out, gathering around to comfort her. Mo watches them.

“Oh my god dear, will he be okay??”

“I- Yeah. He will be mom. He better be.” Mo isn’t paying attention to the conversation. One other guy comes out after the woman. As Mo watches he rubs at the woman’s shoulder, in a soothing gesture. It just makes her cry harder. Fuck. Fuck, _fucking hell_. Fuck this day to shit. He Tian better be okay. “Listen mom, I’m at the hospital right now. It’s just to tell you that I’ll be late coming home. If he’s discharged tonight I’ll offer to go to his apartments and help him settle in at his place. I can crash in the couch after.”

“Oh, of course dear. I hope he’s okay. Can I do anything to help? Do you need me t…”

A BMW pulls up in front of the hospital. Mo’s attention is immediately caught.

Mo sees the moment He Cheng steps out of the back seat, still on a phone call. He gestures for the driver to drive off. In the next moment He Cheng’s eyes find Mo.

Mo isn’t doing _literally anything wrong_ but he feels guilty, out of fucking nowhere. Like He Cheng will look at him and know that his brother put himself at risk to save Mo’s life. Like maybe He Cheng will look at Mo and think he’s not worth the risk. Like he’ll look and find Mo lacking, somehow.

_I didn’t tell him to do that_ , Mo wants to say to him. _It’s not_ ** _my_** _fault your brother is an idiot._

He Cheng frowns. He ends the call. Mo abruptly remembers that he’s still on one himself.

“…uan Shan?”

“Oh, no mom, it’s fine. Thank you. I’ll see you later.”

“Okay dear. Text me if you have news. I’ll be worried.”

“Sure. See ya.”

Mo ends the call. He Cheng is in front of him now.

“The fuck happened to you?” He Cheng asks. He’s still frowning.

…what- seriously?

“There was a landslide,” Mo tells him. “Qiu didn’t catch you up?”

“Qiu said He Tian was injured. He didn’t say anything about the rest of you lot.”

…the rest of-

Mo looks down at himself. Oh. Yeah, he does seem pretty bad. In all of the adrenaline Mo completely forgot he’s been caught in a thunderstorm. He wasn’t even feeling the cold until now.

“I’m fine.”

He Cheng doesn’t buy it.

“Qiu keeps a change of clothes in his car. If you make yourself particularly pitiful he may lend you something dry.”

Ah. Mo wasn’t expecting that one. 

“It’s fine, I- it’s not the priority right now.”

He Cheng keeps watching.

“Suit yourself.”

Qiu said that to Mo earlier today too. Mo finds the resemblance between them funny.

He Cheng turns away and heads into the hospital. Well, _that_ was rude. Except- He Cheng keeps the door open behind him for one extra second. Oh. Mo hurries to catch up.

___________________

He Tian has a slight fracture on his rib. It wasn’t detected on the X-ray but they spotted it with a CT scan. It will take 6 weeks to heal, during which He Tian has to take a break from physically extraneous activities, put ice on it, and take a lot of meds. All in all it could be worse.

The ankle is just sprained. Small miracles. The treatment is much the same, with ice and resting. He Tian will give them _hell_ , Mo can see it already. He Tian is a bitch when he’s bored. But it’s the price to pay for his healing. The sprained ankle takes only one to three weeks though, for everyone’s relief. He Tian got a nice walking boot to mobilise the tendon while it rests. Still, He Tian is not supposed to walk much with the boot. There will be lots of hopping around for He Tian if he doesn’t want to make himself worse. Mo is amused thinking about the scene. It’s that or crutches, which He Tian will not acknowledge the existence of.

Yeah. He Tian is a stubborn asshole.

Other then that he should be fine though. He’s discharged on the same day. True to his word, Mo offers to help him get settled in at home.

He Tian is _way_ too happy about this. His grin is blinding, Mo can barely look directly at him.

Mo finds some random uninjured part of his arm and flicks him.

“Ow. What was that for?”

“Your face was looking stupid.”

“You’re too aggressive Momo. You gotta work on that personality.”

…pot meet fucking kettle, Mo thinks. That’s actually funny coming from He Tian.

Mo flicks him again.

“Ow. …what was that for _now_?”

“Just the fun of it.”

He Tian grins, even wider.

Idiot.

Yeah, they’ll see how it goes.

___________________

Qiu drives them to He Tian’s apartment. 

Mo almost says that he has to stop home, but shit. The drive is awkward enough as it is. Mo doesn’t want to prolong it. Mo can borrow something of He Tian’s to wear for the night.

When they arrive He Cheng and Qiu say they will come up with them.

“I can carry you again,” Qiu offers.

“Fuck no,” He Tian replies.

Mo’s amused. He Tian is a proud guy. Being carried can’t be good for his ego.

But what He Tian does is that he leans on _Mo’s shoulder instead_. Mo falls a step back on instinct.

He Tian looks back at him. “…how are you going to help me settle in without contact?”

That’s a good question. Fuck. Why the fuck did Mo offer to help again? Some bullshit about He Tian almost dying or something.

Shit. He Tian didn’t do something wrong, Mo’s just on fucking edge today. Mo is so out of his comfort zone is not even funny. Today was fucking exhausting.

Mo did offer to help though.

He comes back and lets He Tian lean his weight on him.

Together they keep a slow pace to the elevator. Mo’s hand comes around He Tian’s waist to hold him steady. There’s something sticky where Mo’s fingers land. Their clothes have dried by now but there’s still s _o much fucking dirt_. Mo wouldn’t be surprised if either of them got a cold after today. They desperately need a shower.

“This is nice,” He Tian tells him.

“…you’re high on pain medicine,” Mo answers. But his grip doesn’t waver.

They have to turn right into the elevator. They do an awkward shuffle to the side and Mo holds He Tian that much tighter against him.

“ _Shit_ ,” He Tian breathes out. His voice is barely above a whisper.

“Sorry.” Shit. Mo adjusts his hand, feeling He Tian’s warmth beneath his fingers. It’s on He Tian’s uninjured side, right? Still. “Shit. Did I hurt you?”

He Tian smiles, not quite looking up from beneath his fringe.

“I’m fine Mo.”

Okay. Okay, they got this.

Mo is maneuvering to press the button when He Cheng walks in front of him and does it. 

Okay, sure. 

The elevator ride is silent. After, Mo exits and stays a step back from He Tian’s door, holding He Tian still. If He Cheng is gonna make himself helpful he might as well finish it. He Cheng catches on. He takes He Tian’s keys and opens the door.

Mo helps He Tian to the couch. He Tian hisses, and Mo is already on _alert_ , but He Tian sits down without major incidents. 

Ok. Ok, good.

Mo types off messages to the boys and to his mom, with an update.

Okay. Now what?

“You’re good?” He asks He Tian. 

He Tian gives one nod. 

Somehow, Mo is not convinced. 

“How about the pain stuff, do you need to take anything?”

“I was medicated at the hospital. I’ll only need more if it starts hurting.”

Hmm.

Mo finds the plastic bag that Qiu is caring, with the medicine, and pulls out the medical prescription. Just to be sure, Mo thinks. Mo reads it over but that seems to about it, really. A cream for the chest bruise, pain medication and some anti-inflammatory pills. Mo pulls out his phone again and sets up an alarm for the last ones. Mo will fucking make He Tian take it. If it’s up to He Tian, Mo bets he will forget.

When Mo looks up he notices that all three people in the room are watching him. 

Mo freezes. 

“…what?”

Mo’s eyes find He Tian, for some reason. He Tian has a stupid expression on his face. “ _Idiot,_ ” Mo murmurs at him. He Tian’s face is still going through something too complex for Mo to understand.

He Cheng clears his throat.

“I can see you two are fine then. I’ll check in tomorrow, to get an update. Mo, make sure he picks it up.”

“Yes, sir.”

Qiu hands him the rest of the bag with the medicine. He Cheng hands him the keys he had gotten from He Tian. Fuck, why are these people thinking _Mo_ is the fucking one responsible here? It’s not even his fucking house.

Before leaving He Cheng lays one hand on He Tian’s shoulder.

“If you need anything He Tian, don’t be a fucking idiot, call.”

“Okay He Cheng.”

He Cheng keeps looking at him.

“If you think you can’t take care of this here, you can come to my place. You know that.”

“ _No_ -“

“Don’t start a fight He Tian. I just want you to know that.You can also stay here and I’ll hire a nurse to take on the job.”

“…you’ll hire a professional nurse to take care of… a sprained ankle? He Cheng, for fuck’s sake.”

“I’m serious.”

“The worst part is that I know you are. There’ll be no need. I’m fine.”

“Okay.” 

It seems to be reassurance enough for He Cheng. He squeezes He Tian’s shoulder and steps back. He nods at Mo. When they leave He Cheng closes the door behind them.

And then Mo is alone with He Tian.

Mo finds himself breathing in relief. 

Relief is not his usual reaction. No, being alone with He Tian makes Mo’s nerves stand on edge. But everything and everyone was being _too fucking loud_ today. Mo is fucking relieved at having a moment to settle in.

It’s been a long fucking day.

“We could use a shower,” He Tian brings up. Mo agrees with that one.

“Wait, do you-“ Shit. Mo didn’t think about _that_ before offering to help. ”Do you- uh- need help with…” shit, this is embarrassing. Mo’s voice is coming out all weird.

He Tian, clearly, is having fun.

“Do I need help with _what_ Mo?”

Mo flips him off.

He Tian still has that infuriating grin on his face. Mo finds a pillow on the couch and pushes it into his face.

“You’re making this so much more difficult than it has to be, He Tian. Be nice.”

He Tian pushes the pillow back. “What’s the fun in that?”

He Tian is impossible.

“Shower,” Mo masters a face of indifference. “I meant help with the shower-.”

He Tian keeps looking at him.

“…I’ll fucking dump you fully clothed into the box, turn on the water and leave.”

He Tian shakes his head, smiling.

“If you want to soap up my body I won’t stop you.”

“ _He Tian_ -”

“But no need. You can help by walking me to the bathroom, so I won’t put too much pressure on the boot. I can take it from there.”

“…okay.”

Okay. Mo can do that.

He Tian uses the couch to pull himself up. Mo puts a hand on his uninjured side, beneath his armpit, and helps him up.

They make short work to the bathroom. He Tian pauses them just outside.

“You’re sure you don’t wanna sponge me clean?”

“Fuck off.”

He Tian grins. “Alright, your loss. Can you bring something clean for me to wear? My clothes are over there.”

Oh.

He Tian hops into the bathroom, leaving the door open. Mo steadfastly doesn’t look.

Mo just has to pick clothing. It’s not an unreasonable request. He Tian is not saying this to be a dick. Probably.

Well, it’s He Tian, sometimes being a dick is just second nature for him. But the request makes sense.

Mo feels fucking award digging through his clothes. He picks black sweatpants, one of his usual shirt. After a moment consideration Mo comes back to switch the shirt. Anything tight will feel bad on He Tian’s injury. Mo should pick something looser.

…as soon as he finds it.

“For fucks sake He Tian, is every single one of your shirts made to cling to your body? The fuck do you have to be so vain for?”

He Tian laughs.

“I don’t need a shirt Mo. I might be better off without one tonight, for the injury. Just get me pants and underwear.”

“I’m not touching your underwear.”

“You want me free-balling?”

Mo picks underwear.

He walks back to the bathroom with his eyes firmly averted. He Tian fucking laughs at him.

“What are you so scared of seeing Little Mo?”

“I’m not scared, I’m just… like, giving you fucking privacy or something.”

“Hmm. Coward.”

Mo glares at him.

…which has the unfortunate side effect of looking at him. He Tian is puling his shirt over his head. He’s leaning his weight on his uninjured foot, the other one hovering a little above ground. He Tian apparently used the time Mo was away to take off the boot.

“Is it- uh. It it okay for you to take the boot off?”

He Tian glances at him. Mo’s eyes fall to his chest again. Fuck, the bruise looks awful. It must hurt like crazy. 

“Are you- Are you okay?”

He Tian watches him for a long moment.

“I’m medicated Mo. Not much else to do.”

Yeah. Yeah, Mo knows that. He still feels an useless urge to fucking help somehow.

He Tian almost _died_.

The bruise marks a stark reminder. He Tian almost died today.

Mo leaves the clothes in the counter.

“He Tian…”

“Hmm?”

Mo glances at himself in the mirror. Mo remembers that he’s not looking all that good either, dried mud fucking everywhere. He Tian meets his eyes in the reflection.

Mo’s eyes fall to his chest again, and the bruise. Mo turns around.

“He Tian, don’t lock the door, okay? If anything happens, if you need anything, shout. I’ll be outside.”

He Tian smiles.

“Gotcha.”

Mo leaves the bathroom and closes the door behind him. He resists the temptation to just lean against the wall and take long calming breaths, like a fucking drama movie.

He Tian almost fucking died. He’s injured because there was a landslide and instead of _jumping away,_ like a _normal fucking person_ , He Tian used the split second to protect Mo. Mo feels so fucking fragile.

Mo shakes his head. Come one, enough.

Mo does shit nothing while He Tian is in the shower. He considers cleaning, just for something to do with his hands, but he can’t focus. He sits on the floor and watches the view from the window instead, all the lights. He Tian said once that he’s afraid of the dark. As a way to get Mo to walk him off, Mo remembers. Mo is thinking maybe there’s some truth in there. He Tian surely seems to sleep with the whole world city lit up next to him. Maybe that can give him some comfort.

He Tian calls for Mo when he’s done, and asks to lean on Mo’s shoulder while he puts on the walking boot again. 

Mo doesn’t even complain this time.

“Take a shower too, I’ll lend you something clean to wear.”

Mo wants to accept it, to be honest. He could really use a fucking shower.

“…will you be okay on your own though?”

“…it’s a sprained ankle Mo. It won’t kill me.”

“Don’t be a fucking dick, I’m just asking.”

“I’ll be fine. If I can walk to the couch, I’ll just kill the time fucking around on my phone for a bit.”

Okay. Okay, that’ll be fine.

Mo helps him to the couch. For a _second_ it seems like He Tian might slip. Mo holds him tight.

“Fucking _hell_ He Tian, be careful.”

He Tian looks at him with something amused in his eyes.

“Okay, I will.”

Shit. Mo goes back to He Tian’s clothes.

He just needs something to wear tonight, he tells himself. It’s not weird. He Tian is injured and Mo is here to help.

He picks a random t-shirt, random sweatpants. Mo thinks they’re probably supposed to be on the small on He Tian. Just by looking Mo knows they’ll still be big on him. 

Fucking He Tian with his muscles and shit. Mo hates him.

Mo glances up. He Tian is adjusting a pillow at the end of the couch so he can rest his injured leg. Fuck him, Mo thinks. 

Then he goes there and adjusts the pillow himself.

“Okay,” Mo says, “I’ll be quick. Don’t die.”

“See ya Mo.”

Mo goes to the bathroom and closes the door.

The moment Mo is alone Mo aches with tension he didn’t even notice he was carrying. Fuck everything today. He takes off his clothes with tired arms and pauses. He stares at himself in the mirror, like the mirror will tell Mo something about him that Mo doesn’t know.

It doesn’t.

Mo just sees a tired guy. A few more cuts on his fingers. He sighs. 

The first hit of hot water feels like fucking heaven on Mo’s body. He’s so tired, more than he knew. The water seems to hit all the points of tension in his shoulder blades.

The water is unforgiving on his fingers though. Mo hisses when the cuts sting with renewed pain. He’s fine. He Tian is fine. A couple cuts is a small price to pay.

Mo does his best to clean the dried mud and dig into his aching muscles.

“ _Ow_ -“

Mo hears a crash, followed by He Tian’s scream of pain.

_Fuck_.

Mo’s heart races. He puts a random fucking towel around his waist and rushes out of the shower.

“What the…?”

He Tian is-

He Tian is sitting on the floor, next to the kitchen table.

Seriously?

“He Tian the fuck did I tell you about not dying?”

“You… told me to not die?”

“And what are you doing?”

He Tian takes longer to answer that one.

“I’m… sitting on the floor?”

“You’re getting yourself dead.”

“That’s not how it works- Mo you’re not wearing clothes.”

…right.

He Tian is staring at Mo’s chest. Well, yeah, Mo was in the shower when _someone_ had to sprawl themselves on the floor. What did He Tian expect?”

“He Tian _why_ are you sitting on the floor?”

“I fell.”

…Mo will fucking kill him, he swears.

“Why _are you out of the couch at all?_ ”

“I just wanted the bruise cream.”

He just wanted-

Mo feels the beginning of a headache.

“So you thought you’d _make_ a few more bruises just to really have room to apply it to? He Tian, for fuck’s sake-”

“Oh, yeah, something like that. You’re really not wearing clothes.”

He Tian looks like he’s about to drool. Mo would hit him, for real, but He Tian is not wearing a shirt. His awfully bruised chest is exposed, just to make Mo feel guilty. Shit.

Mo walks over to him and helps him up.

“Stay on the fucking couch asshole. This cream?” He reaches for a tub on the table. He Tian nods.

“Okay.” 

Mo walks him back to the couch and drops the cream in his head. He gets a small _ow_ for his troubles. Mo feels a little vindicated about that.

“I’m going back to the shower. If you get yourself dead this time I won’t care.”

“…Mo this is time 137 today that you show that you would, in fact, care.”

…whatever. Mo flips him off just for the principle of the thing.

His shower is not really so relaxing after that. Mo is done much quicker this time.

He puts on He Tian’s clothes and feels all of ten years old. Fucking hell. The pants hang just a little low on his waist, the shirt doesn’t quite cling to his body. Fuck He Tian for being big.

Mo dries his hair on the towel while looking himself over at the mirror.

…Mo looks scared. It’s been hours and Mo can still see the fear in his eyes.

He Tian almost _fucking died_ , he almost died, for a second there Mo thought he did and Mo had never been so fucking close to losing it. He Tian almost _fucking died_ jumping in front of a landslide instead of away from it.

Mo stares at his hands. They’re trembling.

Mo puts the towel away.

He thinks they need to talk.

“Why would you do that?” Mo asks, when he’s out of the bathroom. Mo’s voice is low, but it feels loud in the quiet room.

He Tian looks up at him. He’s sitting on the couch, laying the cream on his chest.

“Mo, I think I hurt my back when I fell,” He Tian confesses, a little embarrassed.

Mo blinks.

“…you mean you genuinely made a few more bruises to apply the cream on?”

“Yeah.”

“For fuck’s sake.”

What a fucking idiot.

Mo goes over and crouches in front of the couch.

He Tian starts twisting his body, like he’s going to show it to Mo like that, and Mo wants to hit him. What fucking part of a _fractured rib_ doesn't he understand? Twisting his torso is the last thing that he should do while he recovers.

“No, He Tian- Here, lean your weight on me. I’ll put the cream on whatever fucking bruise you made on your back.”

He Tian looks at him at that. Fuck. Mo isn’t sure what He Tian might be able to read in Mo.

It feels like an eternity later when He Tian accepts it. He nods. He leans his body towards Mo, so Mo can look over his shoulder at the new bruise.

Ouch. He Tian must have scratched his back on something on the way down. It’s half a dozen cuts, nothing deep. One in the middle is the worst of it, from mid back to just above the waistline of his sweats. For fuck’s sake He Tian.

Mo reaches for the cream but he pauses before getting it.

“Uh, do you want me to-“

He Tian turns to face Mo. Oh. 

They are standing really close to each other. Mo hadn’t noticed it before.

“Do I want what?” He Tian asks. 

His voice is not much more than a murmur. 

With how close they are Mo figures there’s no need to be loud. He Tian breathes out and Mo feels the air on his skin. Mo’s nervous, out of fucking nowhere. His heart beats a little faster.

“Do you want me to clean it, I mean,” he asks. “Before the cream? So it doesn't get infected.”

He Tian is not listening.

He Tian is holding eye contact with Mo until he’s not, and his eyes falling to Mo’s lips.

Holy shit.

“ _He Tian_.”

He Tian breathes out again and Mo thinks it’s on fucking purpose this time, the air tickling Mo’s skin. Mo huffs out, in frustration, in something else. He Tian smiles at his reaction.

He Tian raises a hand to Mo’s chin, to tilt Mo’s head and _holy shit is he going to-_

“It’s superficial Mo, I don’t think it’s gonna get infected.”

…wha-?

He Tian drops his chin and leans back.

“But if you want to clean it there’s a first aid kit in the bathroom.”

…what? 

Mo isn’t sure what happened. Mo gets up on shaky legs.

The fuck was that? Mo feels _clumsy_ , like it’s not just his clothes that are too big on his body.

At some point on the way to the bathroom Mo realises that He Tian is just distracting him. From Mo’s question, that is. Idiot.

Mo finds the first-aid kit and pours a little of saline solution on a cotton ball. He comes back to the living room and crouches in front of He Tian again.

“This will hurt, but you know that.”

“Yeah- _ah_.”

Mo doesn’t wait for an answer before touching the cotton to the cut. It might be possible that he’s frustrated and taking out on He Tian, but Mo _has_ to clean the cut anyway. That’s just how this goes.

He Tian hisses.

Shit.

Mo pulls the cotton away and goes about it with less pressure this time.

He Tian leans his forehead on Mo’s shoulder.

…seriously?

Fine. Mo supposes it’s okay. 

Mo is gonna give He Tian a few passes for reasons of almost dying. It’s been such a long fucking day.

“Do you have the cream?” Mo asks him. 

He Tian searches blindly for the on the couch, so he doesn’t raise his head. He hands it to Mo.

Mo picks it up but for some reason he doesn’t focus. The weight of the day is catching up to him. Mo stares at the cream, unseeing.

What the fuck happened today? He Tian noticed a landslide and jumped _towards it_ to push Mo out of the way. And then he refuses to talk about it. Mo is so fucking tired. 

Mo feels like he’s choking on all the conversations that they’re not having, that they keep not having, again and again. But more- Mo is feeling fucking useless. There was _nothing_ Mo could have done. Mo hates being so powerless. 

He stares at his hands for a long time.

“Why did you do that? Push me out of the way instead of jumping away yourself?” Mo’s voice is low, but he knows that He Tian hears him. He can see the way his muscles shift on an intake of breath.

Mo chances a look to the side. He Tian looks tired. He has bags under his eyes that Mo hadn’t noticed before. They had an early start today, sure, but Mo thinks it’s more than that. It’s an exhaustion that seems long standing, like an old ache. 

Mo doesn’t hold eye contact.

He can feel He Tian watching him though.

He Tian takes a long time to answer.

“Because I love you. I'm fine now Mo, thanks for the help. Go home.”

He Tian’s voice is stinging with ice. 

Mo is floored. They were fine two seconds ago, for fucks sake. The cold gives Mo backlash.

Mo frowns.

“No, you’re not fucking fine asshole. Lean back.”

He Tian holds himself perfectly stiff. Mo pours cream on the cotton ball and starts dabbing it at the wound on his back.

They are silent for a moment. The air is thick with tension.

“…are you angry at me?” Mo asks him.

“Yes,” He Tian answers almost immediately.

_Why_ would He Tian be mad at him? Mo hasn’t fucking done anything. Mo, for example, didn’t jump in front of a fucking landslide. He didn’t tell He Tian to that either. 

Mo doesn’t fucking get it. Mo can’t read him at all. 

“…the fuck did I do?” Mo asks him.

He Tian’s face twists into something complicated. 

He takes his time to answer that one too.

“You keep pushing Mo, when you don't mean it. You don't actually want to have this conversation. I don’t think you’re ready for it. You just want me to answer so you can act disgusted and bring our dynamic back to a place where you're comfortable. It’s cruel.”

The words are like a slap.

“He Tian-“

“You showed that you care and now you _want_ me to mess up so you can take it back. You’re poking at me like I’m a fucking circus lion.”

Fuck.

For _fuck’s_ sake.

Mo's hands are tremulous. His heart speeds even faster, for no go forsaken reason that Mo can think of.

He Tian is wrong, Mo swears he is. Mo is not pushing because he wants to humiliate He Tian or whatever. 

Mo just wants to understand. 

Mo is so tired of feeling like he’s stumbling in the dark around He Tian, all the time.

“I’m not taking back shit He Tian, you’re the one picking a figh-”

“Is that so?” He Tian’s voice is bitter.

Mo doesn’t know what the _fuck_ He Tian wants him to say. He keeps quiet instead.

Mo covers the whole wound with cream and then he doesn’t have anything else to do with his hands. He puts them down.

He Tian runs his fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face. 

“Mo. I'm not actually angry. I'm just tired. I had a long day.”

“…tell me something new. We both did.”

Something dawns on Mo. A hint of understanding. 

_The fight is a distraction_. Like the almost kiss was earlier.

“You’re just dodging it again,” Mo points it out to him. 

He Tian’s face tells Mo he’s right. He Tian sighs. 

“You could say that. I felt like I owed you an honest answer but I don't want to deal with your rejection right now Mo. Go home.”

Mo should. Mo should stop giving a fuck about him and go home.

“I'm gonna make dinner. Do you have food here? The grocery stores should still be open if I need to make a run for ingredients.”

It should still be open but just barely, Mo thinks. If he has to buy anything he better leave soon.

Mo glances back at He Tian. He Tian is blinking at Mo. Mo enjoys the simple pleasure of being able to catch him by surprise. _Don’t know me as well as you think you do, huh?_

“Mo I confessed to you,” He Tian says.

Yeah. Mo knows. 

“And then you picked a fight and tried to kick me out.” 

Twice by now, Mo mentally adds. Fucking asshole. Mo looks down at his knees and at his hands, hanging between them. For lack of anything better to do he disinfects his own hands as well.

“I said I love you.”

“I noticed.”

Mo is blushing but he refuses to be baited.

He Tian takes the cotton from him and starts cleaning Mo’s hands himself.

“Mo, I _love_ you love you.”

Mo actually snorts at that one. “What's the alternative?”

“I don't know. Maybe you think I was talking about being buddies.”

…yeah, that's unlikely. 

_‘Hey buddy, bro. I love you. Mate. Man?.’_

From the beginning He Tian was never trying to be Mo's buddy. 

“Ow.”

“Sorry.”

He Tian pressed the cotton too hard against a cut. Mo’s hands are stinging, all over again. Mo stares at them.

Food, he thinks. Dinner.

Mo pushes up. He Tian’s hands fall away from him.

Mo goes into the kitchen and pokes at the cabinets for food. There’s uncooked rice, noodles. Probably left from the last time that Mo was here, if Mo had to take a bet. It should be enough for him to work with, he thinks.

“Mo, for fucks sake. Finish the conversation.”

Oh, _now_ he wants to finish the conversation.

There's rice but Mo can't make rice by itself. Mo opens the fridge. There's- shit nothing, to be honest. It's actually impressive. In a stupid sort of way.

“You're fucking rich He Tian. Buy a fucking vegetable sometimes, goddammit.”

“Mo.”

There’s a box of milk, water. Mo is genuinely considering that a landslide won’t kill He Tian but malnutrition will.

“ _Mo_.”

“He Tian, why are you pushing for an answer? You said yourself you don't want to be rejected tonight.”

“Is that what you're gonna do? Reject me?”

Yes, of- Of course Mo will reject He Tian. 

Right? 

Mo’s pulse is loud in his own ears and Mo can’t figure out why.

Shit, what is He Tian _expecting_?

Mo can imagine what he's hoping for, the fucking idiot. But He Tian is not a stupid guy. Even if he has- fantasies, or something like that he can't possibly expect Mo to really do that.

Fantasies. Before Mo can help it he’s picturing it. The way He Tian would look lying on his bed, the stupid look that would be on his face as he watches Mo. Mo’s hands on He Tian’s skin. The way he would smile up at Mo, like Mo is the fucking sun. Shit. Shit _shit_ _shit_. Mo doesn’t know how to do this. Since the words came out of He Tian's mouth Mo's been trying very hard to ignore them, but one turn of Mo's own thoughts and it's like he tricked himself into falling into it.

He Tian has fantasies about him. He Tian probably imagines Mo reciprocating. Right now he was probably sitting there picturing Mo turning his head up the inches that’d separated them and meeting his lips, saying he _wants_ He Tian too-

Mo feels a strong wave of embarrassment. It burns hot beneath his skin, making him clumsy and self aware.

“You said you don't wanna be rejected,” Mo reminds him.

“I changed my mind. Reject me.”

Mo looks down at his hands, still gripping the fridge door.

“Shit He Tian, I'm a guy. You fucking knew that when you started- whatever it is you’re doing.”

Why doesn’t the _guy_ part matter to He Tian? Isn’t he scared of being- of being like that? 

Isn’t he scared of what people would think?

Then again, probably not. He Tian refuses to be afraid of anything.

“Are you ever scared?” Mo asks him.

“All the time.”

“Bullshit.”

“Mo I’m literally scared more often than not. I have nightmares. You’ve seen that. Some of them are not made up, they’re just memories.”

Shit.

Mo looks at him.

He Tian has sombered up, but he’s is still staring at him with affection in his eyes. Fucking idiot. His breathing is coming out weird though. He still sounds pained from the injury. 

Mo has a random urge to go there and try to help.

_…help_ _how_ _?_

Mo doesn’t know.

“If you’re scared how come- how can you just say whatever stupid shit you feel?” Mo asks him. “Even when that stupid shit is dangerous?”

“…you think loving you is dangerous?”

“Don’t _say_ shit like that.”

Mo feels self-conscious. His skin prickles with awareness.

He Tian is too quiet.  Mo glances up.

He Tian’s eyes are narrowed. 

In retrospect, Mo probably shouldn’t be provoking him.

“I love you,” He Tian says, in answer to some unspoken challenge Mo apparently had issued. “I love you, I love you, I-“

“He Tian-“

“I fucking love you-”

“ _Okay_ He Tian. I get it.”

There's not enough food for Mo to work with. He'll have to stop at a store then. He looks at his phone for the time. He can make it, he just has to be quick about it. He would have to be quick anyway, He Tian is injured. Mo doesn't want to leave him alone for long.

_Fuck_ , how can He Tian just say that stuff?

Isn’t He Tian fucking embarrassed? Isn’t he scared?

Mo is so _fucking_ embarrassed, it’s not even funny.

Shit.

He Tian watches him.

“…I don’t think loving you is dangerous Mo. Is that all?”

Is that all- is he fucking stupid?

Mo will fucking hit him with, Mo looks around the kitchen, with a pan or something. What an idiot.

“Of fucking course it is dangerous He Tian. Or at least- the intensity of what you feel is dangerous. It’s making you reckless. If you’re willing to jump _towards a landslide_ to save someone then fuck yeah you’re in danger.”

He Tian is quiet after that for a while. Mo tries to regulate his breathing. Talking to He Tian is _emotionally draining_. Mo isn't even the one who confessed.

“Mo,” He Tian starts again. Mo looks up. “My family- I’m in danger anyway. On the regular. This,” He Tian makes a gesture between them, “doesn’t feel like more danger, this feels like something good. Something that makes everything else worth it.”

Fuck.

Mo’s fucking trembling. 

“You’re lovely when you’re blushing and looking all pretty,” He Tian tells him.

Mo dries his palms in his jeans.

“For fucks sake He Tian.”

Mo can’t understand He Tian. He Tian is a spoiled kid used to having literally anything that he wants handed to him a silver platter. Mo _knows_ the is. Mo has seen it. He Tian is _spoiled_. 

But then Mo can’t reconcile that with the rest. He Tian is also willing to _almost fucking die_ to keep those he cares about safe. 

…and who he cares about is Mo, of all people. 

Mo doesn’t understand him, doesn’t understand this, between them, at all.

They’re quiet for another moment. 

He Tian raises an eyebrow.

“You’re shit at turning people down, did you know that?”

“Fuck you.”

He Tian actually smiles at that one. “Sure, if you’re into it. That’s hot babe. Propositioning me is perfect rejection strategy.”

Fuck, He Tian is fucking impossible. 

…especially when he’s acting all know-it-all, like he is right now. He has this little sly smile on his face and he’s looking at Mo like Mo fucking hung the moon up there himself. 

Mo is not used to the attention. He’s not used having anyone looking out for him like that. 

He Tian’s watching him.  He usually is, to be honest. 

Mo wonders how long he’s been doing that.

“For how long?” Mo asks him.

“…for how long have I felt this?”

‘This’. It’s funny that He Tian is self-aware enough to downplay his words _now_ , when it literally doesn't make a difference anymore. Mo nods.

“I don’t know Mo.”

Wow, that’s a great answer.

He Tian leans his head back on the couch.

“It just sort of happened Mo. C’est la vie. For how long have you had dirty dreams about me, for example?”

Mo snaps his head up so fast he’s dizzy. What the _fuck_? Fucking hell, how does he-

Oh. He Tian was teasing him. Or shooting in the dark. He Tian's mouth is hanging open in shock.

“…shut up,” Mo says.

“ _Seriously?"_

“No.”

“Holy _shit_.” He Tian sounds so fucking excited. Mo will fucking combust with embarrassment.

“Fuck off.”

“What do you think about Momo?”

“ _Nothing_. Because I don’t think about you. Ever.”

He Tian’s smile is almost blinding. Fucking idiot.

“Momo-“

“Shut up He Tian. For fuck’s sake.”

“Sure.”

“Wha- wait."

…seriously?

Mo frowns at him. "Seriously?“

“Sure. One condition though,” He Tian adds.

…and there it is.

“What do you want?” Mo asks.

“Reject me.”

“I- He Tian.”

“I mean it Mo. But you gotta make it count. Say ‘I do not blush around you, I do not dream about you, I do not miss you when you're away,-‘“

“...who the fuck is missing you? He Tian-“

“…you’re _really_ not denying dreaming huh? Holy shit.” He Tian’s eyes are shinning. His grin is downright filthy. “What kind of thoughts run wild through your mind babe?”

“ _He Tian_.”

“Say, 'He Tian I do want your naked body-‘“

“I do _not_ want your naked body, the fuck-“

“Say, ‘I want you to stop having feelings for me and pursue someone else-’”

“I want you to fuck off- someone like who?”

He Tian bites his lip to hold back laughter. “I could use a hook-up app Mo. I could invite a girlfriend back here to meet me.”

“…you have a girlfriend? Since fucking when?”

Mo is fucking mad. He Tian says all this stuff while _having a girlfriend_? Fuck him, that’s messed up.

“Break it off,” Mo tells him.

“…excuse me?”

“Break it off, it’s not fucking fair to her. If we’re gonna do this you won’t have a fucking girlfriend.”

He Tian’s eyes are the size of a basketball. 

“…we’re _gonna do this_?”

Mo pauses.

“No, shit- I just meant. Like, this conversation. If we’re gonna do this conversation you can’t have a girlfriend.”

“…what kind of conversation _is_ this?”

“He Tian.”

Mo is blushing so hard.  He Tian’s smile turns suggestive. Like he’s in on a secret that Mo doesn’t know yet. 

“It’s a hypothetical girl Mo,” He Tian says. “I'm just giving an example.”

Ok, now He Tian is just being a dickhead.

“You think I won’t hit you just because you’re injured?”

“You’re the one who asked.”

Mo flips him off.

He Tian shakes his head, still smiling.

“Mo, just say no.”

“Okay. No.”

“You can't lie though,” He Tian adds, softly. “I'll know it if you do.”

“No.”

“Oops, lie.”

“ _He Tian_.”

Mo gives a long suffering sigh.

Mo has to admit though.

Confessing can’t be easy. To a _boy_ , no less. He Tian has fucking guts. 

Maybe it’s the near the death experience. He Tian is acting like it’s nothing but maybe it shook him. Fuck knows Mo is shaken about it himself.

Mo looks down.

Mo remembers hugging him, and how fragile he felt. He remembers the seconds when he thought He Tian was gone.

“This is stupid,” Mo says. “If I take any longer the stores will be closed.”

“Mo-”

“You almost fucking died He Tian.”

His voice sounds loud in the quiet room. Mo surprises himself with the depth of his fear.

“…Momo-“

“You almost fucking died,” Mo tries again, in a lower tone. “For a moment there I thought you were dead. You’re not fucking taking this seriously.”

“Of course I am. I’m alive though. What’s the point in lingering?”

Fuck him. 

He’s talking as if Mo is fucking _choosing_ to let this affect him. He Tian is a fucking asshole.

“Your chest still looks like a mess He Tian, goddammit. You have a _fracture_. Because you’re fucking stupid and narcissistic and now you’ve got a goddamn hero complex to boot that makes you want to save my life even at danger to your own-”

Mo cut himself off. Shit. He has the impulse to hug his arms to his chest.

He Tian straightens up on the couch.

“…I didn’t know you cared.”

Mo is feeling fucking done with him. “Of course you knew I cared.”

He Tian just stares at him.

“…it’s less by the minute,” Mo adds. “Don’t be a fucking idiot like that.”

He Tian stares at him for a long time.

“Mo, come here.”

Mo chances a look. 

He Tian is gesturing at the couch, in general. 

Mo comes close and stops in front of him, but he doesn’t crouch this time.

He Tian raises an eyebrow. Mo feigns indifference. _What?_

Mo came this far. Take it or leave it He Tian.

He Tian shakes his head, softly. “Mo you’re not gonna turn me down at all, and you already know that.”

_Fuck_. Mo’s heart fucking races. Mo is shaking so hard.

Mo wonders, with a hint of envy, what it's like to have that kind of confidence. Mo can't even imagine it himself.

“You can’t control me He Tian.”

“Mo. It’s not about controlling you, it’s about knowing you.”

He Tian touches a hand to Mo’s face and pulls him down, until Mo is hovering above He Tian. 

Mo almost overbalances. He rams a hand up on the couch to hold himself up.

Mo’s heart will beat out of his chest. He Tian’s hand slides down, until it is on Mo’s pulse point. He Tian is counting his heartbeat too.

Oh.

“See?” He Tian asks him.

“No,” Mo says, more to be contrary than anything.

He Tian rolls his eyes. He’s still clearly amusing himself though.

“But make a move when you want to,” He Tian adds. “I won’t push.”

Mo looks down at his hands.

He Tian is narcissistic to a fault. He Tian thinks he’s so dark and then he acts like a dick unprovoked, like being a dark is a point he has to prove. 

He Tian lets the dark consume him just for fun, he lets the dark in just to make some self-pitting fucking statement.

Mo _hates_ that. The pretentious attitude gets on Mo’s nerves.He Tian gets on his nerves. But then he also-

Mo licks his lips.

“You won’t push He Tian? For fuck’s sake, all you do is push.”

“Well. Yeah. If we depended on you we’d die as old virgins.” 

He Tian gives him a little smirk. Mo flips him off. 

“But I think you want me to push, sometimes. It gives you the guts to be brave too.”

Shit.

Mo looks away. Fuck making eye contact, eye contact is cancelled forever.

He Tian apparently disagrees. 

“Hey,” He Tian pinches the soft skin on Mo’s neck, just to get his attention.

Mo looks back at him.

“Fucker.”

“Shithead,” He Tian murmurs back. He pulls Mo that much closer, until his face is inches away.

Mo is trembling.

He Tian is so close. 

If Mo shifted an inch he would be kissing him. Mo feels the the hairs in his arms stand.

There’s so much fucking tension between them.

For once Mo is not playing catch up with He Tian. He’s here, he let himself be lead here, and now he’s a fucking inch away. Choice is his.

Mo closes the distance and lets his lips meet He Tian’s.

Fuck.

It feels so overwhelming. Mo can barely breathe.

He Tian's lips are so soft. Mo hopes He Tian is having the shock of his life, he would deserve it. Mo doesn’t dare looking.

He feels so good.

Mo hesitates, then tries just a little more pressure. _Oh_. _Oh_ , that’s nice.

He Tian moves his hand from Mo’s pulse point to the side of his head. Slowly, He Tian’s thumb comes to stroke Mo’s cheek. Mo breathes out hard against his lips.

_Ah_ -

He Tian lets out a soft little sound that is stupid, so Mo kisses him again, and again after that, to shut him up. Works like a charm.

“…Momo,” He Tian murmurs between them.

…or not. He Tian is a stubborn dick. 

There’s no space between them. Every time He Tian breathes Mo can feels it on his cheek. That’s stupid too, so Mo kisses him again as distraction.

“Mo.”

“He Tian, shut up.”

He Tian smiles. Mo can fucking feel it against his lips. 

Mo feels his face flushing.

On the next kiss He Tian’s thumb pushes against Mo’s chin, to adjust the angle. Mo is turning his head, and _oh_ , that’s- that’s nice.

Mo feels a wave of warmth through him. He Tian’s thumb pushes harder.

“Can I-“

“No.”

He Tian breathes out a laugh. “You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“It doesn’t matter. I can tell it’s stupid.”

He Tian coaches Mo’s lips open, so he can nip on Mo’s bottom lip. Oh, _fuck_. The kiss turn wet, and dirty. Mo is trembling. He thinks he may fucking overbalance because he can’t hold his weight.

He Tian pulls back an inch.

Mo chases after him. He tries it himself. Mo nips on He Tian’s bottom lip, just like He Tian did. He Tian gasps. That’s fucking _hot_ , Mo decides. Shit, Mo wants to hear it again. Mo chases his lips again.

He Tian raises his other hand to Mo’s earlobe, for some reason. He circles it with his thumb, softly. It catches Mo off guard. Fuck. Mo pulls away from the kiss to breathe, still with eyes closed. He Tian waits him out. His thumb and forefinger close on Mo’s lobe and he _pulls_ on it. 

Mo must have his wires crossed if his fucking _earlobe_ is feeling so sensitive. But everywhere He Tian’s fingers trail raise goosebumps on his skin.

“What were you going to ask?” Mo asks.

“Oh. Can I use my tongue?”

“I was right. That’s extraordinarily stupid.”

On the next kiss Mo opens his mouth, just a little. He Tian slips his tongue inside.

_Fuck_.

Mo’s hand comes up to He Tian on pure fucking instinct. Mo tangles his fingers in He Tian’s hair and pulls hard. He Tian clearly fucking likes that. The sound he makes goes straight to Mo’s cock. Mo opens his eyes to see it.

After a second He Tian opens his eyes too.

He Tian has spit wet lips. His eyes are wide with lust.

Fuck.

Fucking hell.

Mo’s still shaking.

Mo’s brain seems to catch up with him. He freezes.

“You look nice in my clothes,” He Tian comments. “I didn’t say anything before but I’ve been thinking it.”

Oh. Mo looks down at himself.

“It’s just normal stay-at-home stuff.”

“And it looks hot when it’s you wearing it.”

…like Mo is not self-aware enough. Fuck.

He Tian has a knowing glint on his eyes.

“Do you want to run?” He Tian asks him.

“Yes.”

Mo does, in fact, want to run.

He Tian smiles.

“Go on then. Go to the grocery store.”

Oh.

Thank fuck. Mo straightens up.

He Tian’s hands fall from his face.

“Take some money, for the stuff you want to buy.”

“…okay.”

The conversation feels so… normal. Mo is flushed, his hands are sweaty. Mo wonders if He Tian will really just let him get away with it.

If he does, it’s just for tonight. Sooner or later Mo will have to stop running.

Mo finds He Tian’s wallet in the kitchen and takes some money.

“Do you have any preference He Tian? For food?”

“Whatever you want is okay with me Momo.”

“…for food?”

“…yes, we’re talking about food.”

No harm in repeating, just to be sure.

Okay, Mo is good to go.

“Will you be okay by yourself for half an hour? Don’t die, for fuck’s sake. Think that mother nature has given you a second chance or whatever and you have to behave now.”

“…if anything mother nature was particularly trying to end me.”

Well.

“Mother nature can be a bitch then. Keep on living to piss her off. Don’t get out of the couch, if you have an accident I won’t be here to help.”

“I won’t Mo. Scouts honor.”

That one is rich. Mo smiles.

“You were never a boy scout He Tian.”

“How would you know Momo?”

Well. Based on the everything about who He Tian is as a human being.

“You don’t have the discipline.”

He Tian grins. “I said you could run.”

Right. 

Right. He said that.

Mo does. He closes the door behind him and heads into the street. But Mo has a thrill of anticipation now, shimmering just beneath his skin.

Mo wonders if he should run for real, take the bus home and say fuck He Tian.

Yeah, sure. Mo’s lips are still tingling. He Tian almost _died_. Mo makes short work of the groceries and comes back to the apartment. 

Mo isn’t going anywhere.

He Tian will be fucking insufferable now though.

The fact that it's He Tian, spoiled, narcissistic, infuriating He Tian, just makes this so much more-

“Hey, I’m back.”

“Welcome back honey.”

“…seriously? Really?”

Mo wonders what he got himself into.

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, you can find my 19 days blog at [mgsdays](https://mgsdays.tumblr.com). Come say hi!


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